My goal in life has never been to have a family or get married. And it’s still pretty true. I want a child, I want love, but if I don’t have any of them, my life doesn’t end there. It goes on.
I come from a family who loves me but also from a family torn apart by divorce, spent most of my teens listening to fights and scandalous family affairs. My view on marriage is scarred, my view on weddings is in tattered when I see how people turn it into a masquerade that throws them into debt.
I am a cynic but a dreamer. Cynical and weary of people but dreaming of a better world for myself.
My one goal in life has always thus been to find happiness.
I find happiness not in work, not in my passion, not in family or friends — even though they bring me joy — but happiness is found in myself, when I am alone, traveling, seeing new things, realizing I’m only a speck in the universe’s timeline. I found as I grew older, no one can make me happy. Happiness is something I have to achieve on my own.
Plato believes that we are two souls separated at birth wandering this earthly dimensions to find our other half. I used to believe that until I realized all the external things in life cannot make the internal soul happy. Despite the fact that I am very much in love and love my partner very much, I know he cannot make me happy if I am not happy on my own. The thought of spending my life’s happiness dependent on someone who may not always be there becomes a ransom.
Being happy alone makes me understand that I don’t depend on someone else, I don’t need someone else at my side. We all have to face death. We all have to face our Majurech, the gatekeeper. And most likely, we all go alone. Sometimes, our partner goes before us. Sometimes, a child may go before us.
I don’t know what’s beyond the curtain of life. Maybe we go to heaven or hell. Maybe we reincarnate. Maybe we become stardust. No one has come back to tell us.
What I do know is spending this one lifetime being happy. Spending my life embracing solitude. Appreciating everything I’ve been given. Grateful of the relationships I’ve made. Happy that I am alive, free, healthy, and striving to be better. And my goal is to continue being happy, being around people who are happy, who understand that life is short. What better way to live than to make the most of it.