As part of my new year’s resolution, I had decided to learn to control my anger and in turn, started to look out for ways to approach it: through reading, finding a meditation class, and taking time out from work. I’ve recognized that my anger comes from a direct contact with stupidity, ignorance, laziness, and inappropriate behavior. But we all know that these behavior exist and cannot be avoided.
Instead, we have to learn it. We have to recognize it, acknowledge it, and somehow incorporate it into our lives. The more we resist, the more we hurt.
My mother used to tell me, “don’t want for much because when you don’t get it, you’ll be sad.”
It’s hard being human when we want so much. We want new shoes, new clothes. We want love, happiness, and a good job. We want this and that and this and that. But is it really something we need in order to survive?
Understanding the moment you get angry is important. I learn that want and expectation on people leads me to my anger and eventually unhappiness.
During meditation class, our teacher pointed out, our minds are constantly running. But when you start to feel something bad or something good, don’t avoid it. Instead, face it. Facing those feelings and questioning the feelings helps you understand it.
For example, every time my coworker asks me a work question about “how does this work?”, I think, “did you read my documentation or are you too lazy to read it?” This makes me angry. Why?
It makes me angry because I feel like the work I shared is not being implemented or used resourcefully.
Instead of reacting with an angry question, I should take a step back. I understand that these things make me angry. What should I do? Don’t shove it aside. Accept that these questions make you angry. Acknowledge his stupidity. It’s okay to be upset. It’s ok to be angry.
It’s about responding consciously and mindfully and not reacting immediately.
When anger comes, your emotion goes on high alert and your body’s instinct is to react or retaliate. But now that I’m seeing immediate response isn’t always the best choice.
So my goal is to start to recognize when I get angry and acknowledge, hey, that feeling is back. I want to continue to the next step in controlling my anger by investigating those feelings.