One of the things I love most about my boyfriend is that he’s well traveled. I’m a traveler at heart, a dreamer by day, and a writer at night so I always knew the person I would end up with would enjoy traveling as much as I would. Traveling is not just about hopping on a plane and seeing some exotic location. It’s also about exploring your own backyard.
So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that one of the hardest things I’ve learnt about having such a relationship is that traveling leads to each of us being apart for several days and often weeks throughout the year. I wouldn’t say that it’s a long distance relationship because I have seen and heard of many true long-distance relationship where for months, someone is on the other side of the planet, and visits are limited to 2 weeks at most. In New York City, someone from the Upper West Side trying to date a Brooklynite might as well be a sort of long distance (you should try those subway rides).
Some of the hardest things about time apart is learning to be alone and living your own life without forgetting that the love for each other doesn’t require cuddles and kisses.
Some of my own advice
- Remember that your life doesn’t have to be postponed. Meet friends, go out, work, continue with your own hobby and joy. Keeping busy helps a mind and a heart from being idle. You know the saying, idle hands…
- It’s important to carve out time to talk to each other. You want to be respectful of each other’s time. The time difference doesn’t help when one is trying to sleep for work the next day or have plans with friends.
- Conversations should not be a rehearsal of sorts. Don’t be afraid to talk about your life, even if it’s just about work. When you’ve been in a long relationship, conversations are not always going to be as stimulating as when you first started dating, or even as mind blowing as a TED talk. So enjoy the little things that you have for each other.
- Share. Share anything. Communication is key, even if it’s as simple as sharing a picture of the food you had for the day. I send photos of flowers I buy, my pets doing strange position, TED talks or articles I find intriguing. It helps that we have a lot of similar things we like but we also have many things we don’t share in common.
- Sex. Everyone tries to veer off that topic for some reason when it comes to long distance. The art of phone sex, the art of sharing sexy photos, or steamy letters are just as sexy as full-on touching. I am a die-hard romantic and nothing is more sexy when a guy sends romantic emails, postcards, and love notes to remind me, I am special to him. I think it’s important to keep things steamy and hot through imagination. Just remember that reality might not be the same so don’t have extremely ridiculously high hopes or ideals when you meet in person. Sex is, after all, only one part of your rounded relationship.
- Always tell each other how much you are missing or thinking about the other. It makes the other feel wanted. But I would stop at the point of being too smothering, wishing and crying he was with you. That always comes off as guilt. It’s important to know you can stand on your own but also share your heart and feelings with someone else.
I find the distance reminds me how much this person means. Distance makes us work harder to keep what we have strong. It’s a two way street and we have to keep that channel open, by being honest with each other and to ourselves.
If you’re in a real long distance relationship or if you have long breaks from each other, this video by Michelle Phan is a good one to watch and contemplate over. I love all her videos, to be honest.